Called and Re-Called

These two passages today speak directly to each one us as children of God.  We are called as the Body of Christ [broad sweeping horizontal motion], each of us equal in this fellowship.  Look at the back page of your bulletin—it now says each one of us are ministers of God in this church—this comes right from our UCC Constitution.  But each of us are also personally called and connected directly with the living God [broad sweeping motion from heaven straight down].  Equal in the Body of Christ [horizontal sweep] and each called directly by God [vertical sweep].  We are the Body of Christ [horizontal sweep], each one connected to God [vertical sweep].  [Look over shoulder at chancel cross, make horizontal sweep, and then a vertical sweep].  Oh.

Will you pray with me?  [walk to pulpit]  “Holy God, we thank you for the Body of Christ, where we are all equal ministers of the church in your eyes.  And we thank you that you know each and every one of us individually by name, and that you have known us and called us constantly from eternity past.  And thank you that you call us and recall us our entire lives.  Amen.”

In our passage today, Samuel is called and recalled many times by God.  At first, Samuel goes in to Eli the head priest to ask why Eli called him, and Eli denies saying anything.  But, did you notice what happened?  When Samuel thought someone else was calling and went looking for another person, God remained silent.  It was not until Samuel acknowledged that it was God that was calling, that God finally spoke to Samuel.  How many times have each of us been called by God when we were not paying attention?  How many times has God called our name and we were not yet ready to listen.  God is still speaking, but we must also be ready to listen for God’s calling.  Listen for a moment.  Just be still for a moment.  Has God been calling your name and you have been too busy to listen?  Samuel said this, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.”  Let’s repeat that together, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” [long silence]

Samuel was called by God.  Each of us is called, but let me tell you my call story, a life of hearing God but, for various reasons, not being ready to listen.  When I was twelve, before I was hardened by the reality of the world, God called me during an altar call in a small church in southern New Mexico.  I gave my life to the living God that day.  I still am amazed at the power that moved me down that aisle, legs rubbery and trembling, to that altar and then moved my heart to say yes that day.  Many years later, in college, God called me to study Hebrew and Greek diligently.  I did not really know why because I was studying to be an architect.  I could see studying Greek columns, but Koine Greek as a language?  That is crazy talk.  But God called, and I went along, but I still was a teenager not listening carefully.

Then twenty years later, after a career as a navy pilot and after I lost my first husband in 1991, my life fell apart.  To be very honest, I did not handle the grief well.  I was angry with God for my loss.  I did not listen during this period of my life at all.  I was too angry to listen.  Have you ever been that way?  When we are furious, we do not listen well.  Not pretty, is it?  But, Easter Sunday 1994 the same force that lead me down that small church aisle recalled me again, leading me into the courtyard of First Congregational Church in Fresno, California.  God was calling me, even if I didn’t want to listen.  God recalled me again.  As a gay man, the church had deeply hurt me and so many of my friends, telling all of us that we were too  sinful and too different to be God’s children.  The church as an institution had turned me away many times, saying I was condemned to hell and not fit for Christian service.  But God was calling me, even if people did not.  God knew me and kept calling me.  Thankfully, I began listening to God.

Suddenly, at this UCC church in Fresno, the pastors said that I was welcome there. No matter who I was; no matter where I was on my journey, I was welcome there.  And because that church was Open and Affirming, I finally felt a safe place to stop, and for the first time in my life, I could safely listen to what God was saying.  That is what an open and affirming church does—it provides a safe place for God’s different children to listen carefully for God’s calling.  I finally heard God’s call of love.  I was God’s child.  And here is where the 139th Psalm from today’s reading taught me the most wonderful lesson of my life.  God had always known me, from the very beginning, just as I was.  And God still loved me.  Maybe some people didn’t love me, but God did.  God made me this way, from the very beginning.  God loved me while God was making me, and God still loves me. And if some folk don’t like me because of who I am, well, they are being critical of what God has made, and that is between them and God.  God has always known that I would be six foot, male, Caucasian, brown-haired and brown-eyed and love who I loved.  And if God has always known me and still loves me, and still calls me, then that means I have God’s permission to love myself just as I am.  And what I am is not bad or wrong or against scripture, but, instead, I am a beloved child of God.  Just like none of you are inherently bad or wrong or against scripture, but a beloved children of God.  This is Good News.  We are all different shades of messy human imperfec-tion, but we are still loved by God and children of God.  And this is not that tired saying “love the sinner hate the sin.”  God made me this way, and God does not make sin.  If you struggle with accepting who and what you are, then reread Psalm 139!  God lovingly accepts each and every one of us!

And then, 5 years later, God called again.  In November of 2000, I was singing in my church choir, and wham--I felt like a truck was crushing my very life out of me.  My heart valve burst, and my heart function dropped to 5%.  Waiting for open heart valve surgery was very hard.  I wanted to know everything I could and make all the right decisions about which artificial valve would be used.  I was going crazy trying to control things beyond my control.  Two nights before my surgery, God called again.  This time, God was a group of ladies from the prayer chain at church, who stopped by to pray for me.  I was exhausted, spent, terribly afraid.  But I stopped and let them pray for me—I let their prayers fill me up.  I stopped and listened for God.  I relaxed into knowing that I could not control things anymore.  Now it was in the surgeon’s and God’s hands.  It was time for me to stop, and listen and trust.  And miraculously, the surgeon was able to repair my heart valve with 17 micro-surgeries—I still impossibly have my own heart valve.  God called me that day through that surgeons’ hands.

Then, five years later, God called again.  During this call, I was finally listening closely to what God was whispering to my heart and soul.  I retired and went to seminary.  After a lifetime of preparation, God called me into the ministry of God’s church on earth so that I could be a pastor who would also invite everyone who didn’t feel welcome into the church.  I am called to provide a safe place for all of God’s children to listen for God’s call.  We are all called to settle into God’s loving arms of grace.  We are all called by God, even if we feel unlovable or unwanted or broken-hearted or live at the margins of society.  We are all called by name to live lives echoing God’s love for us into the world.  And finally, God recalled me through you, to be your pastor at Spring Glen Church.  I was called and recalled my whole life long by our loving God into the service of God’s church.  Amazing Grace!

And it all starts so simply.  We are all called by God as the Body of Christ [horizontal sweep]. And, God calls and recalls each one of us.  We are called individually by God.  [vertical sweep].  This is our cross to bear.  God calls us by name.  At first, we might think someone else is calling and don’t listen.  Then God calls again, and we respond to some other voice of our culture.  But eventually, by grace, someday, God calls us by name, and finally we realize that God loves us and wants to be in relationship with us.  God is still speaking to us.  Then in this sacred and safe place, we can also say, like Samuel, “I hear you calling God.  Speak Lord, for your servants are listening.”   [silence]  Amen.